...on this new, fresh slate of Life.
Life, at the moment, is going good. Still pretty stressful at times, but I'm hanging in there. Work is still taking it's toll. I'm exhausted. I haven't took that many naps in a week. But the district manager should be here next week, & I'm going to speak my mind. I'm planning on telling him everything that has been building up. Hopefully, I can keep my cool & keep it professional. Anyways, other than work, Life has been flowing the way I want it to be. Definitely still feeling fresh like I was hoping. I've been avoiding the moments where I let my mind wander deeply & I just get lost in my thoughts. I guess that means my mind, body, & soul is at ease & they're just chilling out. Last night was the first time in awhile I had let my mind wander deeply. I got out of work late, & it was one of the worst days of work ever. Once I clocked out, I began my walk home. It was dark, cold, & it was drizzling my whole way home. But it was nice. It was relaxing. I had time to cool off & clear my mind. But the mood had set in & my mind began it's thing. Just the usual: Life, what I'm doing in Life, the people in my life, feelings, etc. The difference this time was that I didn't feel lost. I guess I was just going over what I've learn, what I'm learning. But it was cool. I also had a feeling of being thankful. Thankful for me going through that crazy trip of Life & allowing me to grow as a person & spiritually, because I wouldn't be the way I am now. One of my very close friends told me he had notice the change in me. To be honest, he's probably the only one who would ever notice. He's my scorpio brother. We connect on so many levels that we wouldn't be able to explain it to you. Maybe one day, though. But that was probably a walk home I needed. Just to reassure things for myself. I was thinking that I went through a big test in Life & I felt I passed with flying colors. Life lessons get thrown at us out of nowhere & it's up to us to make it work. I feel that we all somehow have to learn how to change our way of life sometime, make efforts to improve the world around us, communicate better with those close to us. Sometimes, these lessons might be thrown at us & they will not be in our satisfaction, but that's how it is, unfortunately. My little "trip" through life wasn't what I wanted, but look at me now. It turned out for the best because I hung in there. I've gained tons of confidence within myself, I've gain tons of trust within myself & those who I carefully picked out to have my trust, & I've matured a lot. If, as a soul, I need to learn to gain self-confidence again, it would be only natural to create a situation in which my personality could not find some kind of support, forcing me to learn to depend upon myself. We all have to remember that if all else fails, in the end, we'll only have ourselves.
& to you Ms. Janel, you were definitely in my thoughts during that walk home. Like I said, I felt thankful. Thankful for the people who I can call my close friends, & I'm thankful for you. We definitely didn't expect each other so quickly & we definitely didn't expect change so quickly. But we're better people now. It really hasn't been long, but I feel the same way. I feel like I've known you for quite awhile now, but we do have lots to learn about each other & that's whats keeping me going. I'm curious. I feel like you're my best friend. When you were painting last night, & I was just watching you, everything just felt so calm & right. I really don't think I can explain this feeling, but I'll try. I'm just sitting there at home, & you're at home, painting like I'm not even watching. I guess things felt so free & calm because you looked like your were at peace. It made me feel like you're comfortable with expressing yourself. I don't know, haha. I tried. But we're definitely growing as people & I hope we're building upon this, building upon whatever it is that we have going on. I fell for you the night at the park, & I totally face planted for you on our day at the temples & Boots & Kimos! Driving me nuts, you. But thank you for all the changes, great feelings, smiles, laughs, everything. I really can't wait to see where this ends up. I definitely don't want anything to end either. I still trip out on how everything started, too. For real. Crazy how life works. But you're special. & amazing. & a keeper. My heart smiles.
1 comment:
So, you just went to bed but I'm still up. Calling it a night on painting. My arm hoits! HAHA Anyways, ahhh yes definitely. Life gives us these situations for growth, strength, and truly knowing who we are as a person, and finding our destinies.
What's so great about life is these little blessings we find along the way. It's kind of child-like to me. It's a good thing. Wish we were all like little kids cause they're so much in awe of everything! Of discovery. Just the sight of a caterpillar or something gets them hyped up.
That's exactly how I feel about you! Gay as this sounds haha, but I am an awe of how this all began. I think a lot about these things. On chain of events that occur and it all lead to you. Call it serendipity. :] It really is a beautiful thing. How you came about in such timing. On how we were both going through the same thing at the same time. God sent, no doubt. In such a short amount of time, I feel you truly want to get to know me and does know me even more than some of my friends do. I trust you with everything that I think about. I'd say I'm completely open with you. You're easy to talk to and you understand me. It's such a comforting feeling having someone you can be safe with words with. :]
But anyways, you are truly something special to me. And I can't wait where this story we have goes... you're like my best friend too! Love how I could read your mind too! Like how I say things before you that you were already thinkng! HAHA Love how we're both growing as individuals and love how we both got each other's back no matter what happens. You legit mattshoe!
PS- You got me at Boots & Kimos when you were kanacking big time! Geeze, I just love how we could just lay at the park and eat starbursts and stare at clouds instead of stars. Mushy stuff I know I don't care, but just that moment you left me speechless. It's like our souls match or something! HAHA Cause we don't even have to say a fracken word, we don't hold hands or anything of that nature. We just enjoy the moment. Gah, I could go on. But I won't. You know how I feel. Life will get sweeter you just wait and see... so much of life's beauty will happen. This is just a speck of it!
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