Lately, I've been feeling lost. I'm not all "emo", it's just one of those points in life again where you're not really content with certain things. My job. What am I going to do. What I should be doing. How am I going to achieve this & that. Just straight stressing again.
My mom texted me the other day at work, saying that the docs said that my grandpa isn't getting better & will not get better. So, I guess at this point, we just got to decide what we want to do. To be honest, I don't need him suffering any longer. I've seen him suffer already. Set him free...
I'm going to say this out of anger & confusion, that this is just bullshit right now. I don't even know. I've been dealing with things on my own without my mom for months now, & I feel like I'm starting to just learn to deal with things on my own all the time. It makes me stronger. Sucks, but it makes me stronger. My mom tells me to talk to my dad, but he won't understand anything. No offense, but it's so true. I can't sit down & tell him whats going on in my mind. I never really talked to him about these kinds of things. It's just the way it is. But whatever, I've been dealing with shit on my own & that's the way it's going to be for awhile. I got this. Friends, you can only do so much.
The feeling of being overwhelmed is my worst enemy at the moment. Everything just likes to happen at once for me. This week, I was really starting to wonder by bad things happen to good people. But I guess bad things happen to everyone. Everyone gets their share. I just need a break. I can't even begin to tell you how much I've learned on my own. I think about it everyday. I think about how much I've grown as a person on my own. I'm so happy with myself because I'm not so lost as to who I am anymore. I know who I am.
The other night, I learned how a single person can make you appreciate another single person, even more. No joke. Never felt that feeling before, never want to feel it again, but I'm glad I did that once. It was just the feeling of strong vibes that were just wrong & didn't belong to me or didn't belong between me & that person anymore. Made me feel like, "hey, I have that special someone I met along the way. I'm going to put my heart & soul into this one..." A little something like that. It was just a crazy feeling that I'd never felt before.
Another thing I learned is that I'm so comfortable with who I know & need in my life, I'm afraid of meeting new people. I mean, I'm always down to meet new people, but for me, there's just has to be a certain place & time. I'm so content with who I have in life, I don't want anyone else sometimes. At the moment, at least. I don't know. This is a hard feeling to describe & get into.
Apparently, everything is crossing my mind at the moment. My mind has been so tired this week. I'm just so exhausted from everything. I need to chill out.
1 comment:
dude, i'm sorry to hear about your grandpa man. this might sound harsh but i mean it in the most positive and meaningful way, but that's life. i really hope things get better for him and your family dude. but if not, i hope for the strength for you guys to be strong and accept it. i may not know him personally but to have lived to the age that he has... that's quite an accomplishment dude. i bet he has experienced and witnessed so much in his lifetime. it must be crazy. our time will come too someday. when we're ready for it. but hey man, if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm always here for you bro. i've jumped on aim a couple times hoping to run into you. it's been a while since we've had a chat. i might not completely understand but i'll do my best to. even if you just need to let it all out, i'll listen. anyway, hope things get better for you man. i really do. this is just the way of life. nothing is certain and/or constant. we need these times in our lives. to learn from and grow. it's all a part of the plan. it's our destiny. as crazy as that sounds... i highly doubt there will ever come a time in our lives when we'll truly forever be happy and content. i honestly believe that moment will only come when we die.
Post a Comment