The Designs of Life

Once again, I find myself in this lost & confused state. Stressing, so much to do, so much places to be, so little time...you name it. This is the reason why I lay low sometimes. Gives me time to relax in my own state. I might be going back to Cali real, real soon. In the process of looking for tickets. We're about to "pull the plug". It's what I wanted, but I feel weird now. I know going to Cali is for my Grandpa, but I can't handle these out of nowhere, drastic changes in my lifestyle. I'm still trying to get used to working a shitty job, & trying to find a new & better one. I have a retarded bitch for a boss. I need money. It sucks that I have to drop everything all of sudden for this, but I know Grandpa doesn't want to go alone. I don't know how long I'll be gone this time, but once my Grandpa goes home, I want to go home. Rest on it. Deal with it. I can't stick around up there. I want my Grandpa to come back home to Hawaii where we all was once happy together, before they moved in the middle of nowhere. A lot of family is here, too. I don't know what the hell is going on. I'm just tired of it at the moment. Tired of my mom being the way she is, too. No job. Just stays home all day everyday. Wakes up pissed off at the littlest things. Drinking every night. It's probably her way of dealing with it, but keep you composure. I can't even talk to her about anything because I have a different state of mind from everyone in my family. I can't really explain that part. I just know these things. It's how I work. Self composure is important...