A Mix

Lately, I've been feeling super exhausted. Just didn't want to do anything. The last time I ever felt like this was when I was a stock manager. Just the fact that I worked Monday through Friday, just on repeat for the entire week, wore me out. But I took the most amazing nap this afternoon. I slept through the whole thing. I woke up feeling incredible. I think I needed that. One last day tomorrow! Stoked.

I don't know...Haven't had the time to write in here for a bit. But a lot has been happening. Lots of thoughts as usual. Feels like I just haven't had the time for anything fun, & when I do, all I want to do is to relax because of such a busy day or week. I feel like I owe it to myself to relax when I can. I noticed I have been more controlling about getting so mad so easily, but I can feel a lot of tension & stress still. The non-smoking streak is just getting better & better. This entry is probably going to be all mixed up, about everything that has happened this past couple weeks. Aside of being real busy with work, I want to say sorry to my other half. If you felt like I didn't want to have fun or I wasn't as enthusiastic as I usually am, I'm hoping you can understand that I was/am exhausted & that I'm hoping for a fun, well-deserved weekend.

Seeing some of my good friends having some awesome fun this summer has gotten me jealous a little bit. Only because I work my ass off & I haven't missed out on this much fun since I was a stock manager & working overtime every damn week. But whatever, I'm working, it's part of life. I get over it. Makes me jealous, makes me think. Been here plenty times before, but it just sucks sometimes. I've been missing skateboarding. I ordered some new bushings for my trucks & I'm planning on picking up a new deck & wheels soon. But I know I'll never have the time to skate & go all over the place to shoot some skate photos. Yesterday, one of the old school "Uncles" that used to shred Manana back in the day came into Vans! I was stoked to see him because I had forgot about him. I recognized him right off the bat. It was nice & refreshing to see him. Kind of made small talk when he got rung up. I told him I didn't see him in a long time. He said he kicks it at Kapolei Skate Park nowadays, closer to home (Waianae). We started talking about all the little kids coming up that are better than us now, haha. He asked if I quit skating because I told him I hardly skate now. I don't know, it was just refreshing to see a familiar face. That guy was good fun.

A thought that I've been thinking about every night, also, was sleeping with things on your mind/heart. I know it isn't good, & I haven't been doing that. Things have been nice & smooth. The reason why I'm bringing it up is because I feel that way right now. I just feel like I'm not good enough. First time in a long time! Feel like I can be replaced like nothing, & I probably could. I don't ask for much. I don't really ask for anything at all sometimes. I don't think there's nothing wrong with just wanting to be happy & have things run smoothly in any way & in all aspects of life. That's all! Just be happy. But lately, feels like I can't even please anyone anymore. It's hard, & it shouldn't be like that. I don't know. Tonight was the first off & on, good & awkward night in awhile. The kind of night where everything's good, then BOOM! Junk. No talking. Leaving on a junk note to sleep on. I don't understand these nights. So, I'm hoping all this typing will get me sleepy enough where I just knock out as soon as I'm done, because I hate sleeping on nights like this.

This is all so jumbled up -__- I just had lots to get out. Just been a busy few weeks & a weird night that I haven't had in a long time.

On a more positive note, I'm doing a little photo shoot with Janel this weekend for REVO Oahu. New t-shirts are going to be released & they're tight! Super nice & simple. I'm stoked to model them, haha. I finally get to put my newly acquired camera gear to the test! I recently purchased a set of light stands & 32" umbrellas. Yesterday, my third Pocket Wizard came in the mail. I'm all set. Finally can use both flashes wirelessly. Been waiting to do that for the longest time. I've also been hustling some shoes! Been trying to get rid of 2 more pairs, but I think I should be good. I got enough cash for another session to try & finish up this sleeve of mines. I'm hoping this weekend will turn out to what I deserve. What we deserve. Then, off to one more week of the same o' crap at work, then another payday. See what happens in the upcoming life.

One last thing...I love love. I love the simple things in life. I've been feeling more appreciative of the things I have in life. Been more appreciative of having a job. I may complain, but it's hard to even get a job nowadays. Life is moving at a slow pace, but it's going in the right direction. Slow, but right. I love my girlfriend. We have a lot to do & work on, but please be patient, don't get upset so much, everyone moves at their own pace & things will fall into place when they're meant to. Seems like you expect everything out of me nowadays, & sorry I can't keep that up. We should also try see that printing place this weekend, too. Get on that "bird" series on the first bang :) I want to get out there with you. I love the sound of this rain falling outside, helps me relax in the dark & sometimes puts a little positivity in me before I fall asleep.

I feel like there's more in me...probably is, but I need some sleep...